Unoriginality 2: AAMLudicrousness
by Farla
Summary: Chapter Four: We join the characters several years in the future...Pokeshippy rocketshippy eldershippy etc yay!
1. The Dance

(Before we continue, I should admit that I don't write romance. Not that not being able to write romance has stopped many of you, admittedly, but I don't think I can really do justice to the poorly written unless I can write it well myself. But since no one else seems to have stepped up, and something has to be done (in my decidedly unhumble opinion, anyway), I must.)

(I also have trouble reading these – I tend to think no one could write that badly unless on purpose. So if I fail to include many of the subtler clichés, it's not because I don't hate them, but just that my brain spontaneously shut down midway through the story)

* * *

Unoriginality #2 AAMLudicrousness

By a confused Farla who is still boggling at the idea people write this willingly.

Version 1.1: The Original Story Pretending to be a Pokemon Story

(Or, a stupid yet somehow less painful kind)

(Oh, yes. Because I know you care:)

Ash:17

Misty:16

Brock:18

Lance:22

Bruno:23

Lorelei:21

Sabrina:19

AnotherCharacter:24

SomeoneElse:22

YetAnother:23

NoticeTheLackOfAnyoneTwentyfiveAndUp?:21

YeahSoDidI:22

ThinkItSaysAnythingAboutTheWriter?:19

Misty looked at her reflection in the mirror. She bore only casual resemblance to the 'Misty' of which Pokemon fans were so familiar with. Her orange hair had changed a deep, rich auburn, at least if you honestly believe this thing used to be Misty at any stage in its lifetime. It cascaded down her back in waves, a fitting simile for the water trainer that is in no way overused. Her eyes were a deep, beautiful sea blue, further evidence pointing toward the possibility this particular creature was not the 'real' Misty. She was wearing a long, white silk dress with intricate lace ruffles like ocean spray around the collar, sleeves and hem. Small pearls were sown into it in beautiful patterns. She was also wearing slim white gloves over her arms, which went up almost to the elbow. The rest of her arms were bare.

_I hope nothing goes wrong_, Misty thought vacuously. _Ash should be here any minute to take me to the dance._

Now that Ash was Pokemon Master, the exact details of which are unimportant to this story and the last mention of anything pokemon-related you'll be getting, he went to public functions like these. Exactly why public functions should be limited to dances in ballrooms where no one would disturb them and with no discernable presence of reporters or other members of the public was a mystery that would just have to go unsolved. Misty, her brain vapid and consumed only by vacant thoughts about the dance, was incapable of reflecting upon this.

The doorbell rung. Clasping her hands to her ample bosom for a moment, Misty paused to mentally prepare herself for the wonderful events to come, then walked daintily out of the house to see Ash waiting in a limousine. He smiled at her as he held the door open, and Misty reflected for a moment on how everything was so perfect and devoid of real detail that it was like the poorly-conceived romantic daydream of an airheaded fifteen year old. She sighed happily

The ride in the limousine went by as quickly as if an author was skipping over the scene because she'd never been in one before and didn't know what to write. They entered the ballroom.

It was huge, with high, cathedral ceiling. A flawless rip-off – er, recreation of the gorgeous Sistine Chapel paintings covered it. The paintings were made up of beautiful angels nicely clothed in dresses and flowers, with little fuzzy bunnies hopping about, because of course that was what Michelangelo had painted. What else could a work of art involve if not flowers and bunnies? Why, it would be like writing a story that wasn't fluffy and romantic.

Other gym leaders and Elite Four members were there, but not all of them. Only those who could be considered cool and mildly romantic, so thoroughly it almost appeared as if it was on purpose. The younger Erika and the older Koga, Giovanni, Agatha, Blaine and Lt Surge were inconspicuously absent.

Ash asked her if she wanted to dance in a touchingly romantic, yet endearingly uncertain way. Misty wasn't quite sure what the exact words were, but that didn't matter. They headed out onto the dance floor.

They waltzed, or breakdanced, or whatever it was that people did on dance floors. The auth– Misty wasn't quite sure. But it was very romantic.

When they retired (Misty gave a soft coo at how romantic it was to be able to think of 'retiring from the dance floor', earning her an odd look from Ash), they headed over to the refreshments. Misty sipped delicately at the Kool-Aid or whatever the red beverage they were serving was.

Ash turned to her. She stared back worshipfully, stars in her eyes. He went down on one knee, opened a small box with a beautiful white gold ring with a huge yet perfectly cut deep blue diamond, and proposed to her.

"Oh, it's lovely," Misty said breathlessly, feeling lightheaded. She reached toward it, ready to enter into martial bliss with her love. But everything was starting to become hazy…

Misty yawned, rolling over, her eyes slowly opening. She slowly sat up in bed. Stifling another yawn, she got up.

Her husband, also waking, smiled at her. "Hey Mist," he said casually. "Have any good dreams?"

Misty considered. "I had the weirdest dream…" she said.

"Really?" He yawned sleepily. "What was it about?"

"It was...very boring," she said slowly, trying to remember, but the dream was already slipping from her mind. "It was very, very boring."


	2. Ash and MaySUCKS! Love

Ah, bashing. What would the fanfiction world be without it?

Besides immeasurably better, I mean.

* * *

Ash and MaySUCKS! Love

By a very, very tired of this Farla

-

Misty trailed along beside the group. For no real reason, she'd decided to go back to see Ash, or maybe she'd just spontaneously appeared – she wasn't too clear on the 'why' part, but she figured it didn't matter.

She was, however, very clear on how she was supposed to be feeling. Dismal. She watched as May flirted shamelessly with Ash, who obviously must have preferred May despite the desperate looks he kept shooting her.

Misty's brow furrowed. That was odd. Suddenly she could see two Mays, one draped over Ash in revealing attire, stealing his love from Misty, and the other flirting with Brock instead of realizing how lucky she was to have Ash. And…there seemed to be a third one making out with James over there and promising to steal Ash's pikachu for him, and one having a foursome over in the corner with Surge, Giovanni and her little brother, and another one…

Well, Misty thought, exactly what May was doing didn't really matter, because whatever it was, she was definitely a slut.

The rational part of Misty's mind attempted to point out that the girl was ten, for Christ's sake, but only wound up being screamed into silence by the rest of her brain about how that only made May being a filthy slut worse. The rational part shrugged and went back to sleep.

After an unknown period of time, Ash decided to stop and camp. Or maybe they had been stopped and camped already, Misty wasn't sure. What she was sure of was that for some reason she'd just walked around a corner and seen May kissing Ash.

Misty ignored Ash's shocked expression and the fact his hands were by his sides, as if May had only just done this rather than it being mutual. Obviously he'd chosen May.

Misty burst into loud, noisy tears. After a moment of this she ran off, making sure to kick Ash on the way so he'd notice.

Before long Ash caught up with her/found her sitting and sobbing somewhere (it really didn't matter). "Oh Misty," he said, shoving the still-clinging May off of him. "I hate May so much she makes me want to puke. She's so stupid she used a torchic against an azurill – which, if you think about it, is sort of the same position you'd be in if you were up against a grass type since you've only got water types – and she's a slut and doesn't know anything, not that I did when I started either, in fact I actually did a lot of stupider stuff, but still. Please, Misty, will you marry me?"

"Oh Ash," Misty said, oblivious to the fact they were under the legal age for marriage, "of course."

May growled but couldn't do anything against the power of their true love, which suddenly made her turn into a puff of sulfurous smoke. Because she was really a demon put there to challenge Ash and Misty's soulmate bond, of course.

And Ash and Misty lived happily ever after and had many little children who all looked exactly like them, except for Sue, the silver haired, golden eyed girl born a few weeks after Ash returned from a year of training alone in Johto.


	3. AAMistyMayL

_(One third of my reviewers last chapter missed the point…depressing…)_

AAML – They're so interchangeable, you can just choose whoever you want!™

One of the things that never fails to surprise (and by 'surprise' I mean 'disgust') me about the pokemon category is the random, illogical Misty/May thing. If you write a story with May, you get two reviews saying 'I hate Misty!' and one review saying 'I hate May'. If you write a story about Misty, you get the opposite. Why? Just because.

So to clear it up for everyone: **you're both idiots.** Thank you.

* * *

AAMisty/MayL

-

MistyOrMay sighed, looking at Ash as he walked along, strutting over his most recent badge win. He was so handsome, with his dark, unruly hair and chocolate brown eyes. But she knew he didn't love her. He loved MayOrMisty. MistyOrMay knew this because he was traveling with her now, an obvious sign he liked her better/he had traveled with her before, an obvious sign that he must see her as superior in every way to his current female companion. That Ash might not really care one way or another didn't occur to MistyOrMay.

MistyOrMay didn't know what she would do without Ash's love. She felt a burning jealousy for MayOrMisty and didn't think it was at all odd that she seemed to be more focused on her hatred for the other girl than her love for Ash.

There was an abrupt scene change that had been marked by something FFN ate, leading to the befuddlement of readers.

"Ash," MistyOrMay said, her voice nearly a whisper. "There's…there's something I need to tell you."

Ash looked up. "Sure, what is it?" he said cheerfully.

"I-I-I lo-"

"Hi!" MayOrMisty said suddenly, either because she was already in the group and so was normally around, or because she had suddenly shown up from her own travels at exactly that moment. Ash immediately forgot all about what MistyOrMay was saying and went off to deal with MayOrMisty, despite having no clear reason to do that.

_Why should I even try,_ MistyOrMay thought gloomily to herself, _when it's so obvious he must like MayOrMisty better than me? After all, by traveling with her now/before he must like her better than dull old me, who was around before/is around now, because that's nowhere near as special._

MistyOrMay angsted over this, which is like sulking and moping but different. _He could never love me_, she told herself. This was also angsting, not wallowing in self pity as it might appear to some readers. _But I have to tell him_, she thought suddenly. She ran off to find Ash.

Ash was somewhere in a secluded area for some reason, doing something.

"Ash," MistyOrMay said. "I – I have to tell you something. I love you."

"I love you too," Ash said.

"Really? But I thought you loved-"

"Of course not. She's nothing compared to you," Ash said, trying to remember which one he was talking to.


	4. Pairing

I can't say if this is the actual motivation for these sorts of stories…but god knows it's the only one that even makes partial sense.

Possibly the last chapter – when dealing with a repetitive subject, there just isn't much to say. That, and I really can't deny I'm dealing with a solid reader block of militant shippers by this point, and while I'm all for hopeless causes, even I know when to quit.

* * *

"So over there is Ash and Misty," explained the guide. "They've been together for three years! Aren't they just so _perfect_?"

Ash and Misty were off in a corner, sitting on a couch and discussing the trivialities of their rented apartment in loveing terms.

"Well, er, I guess that's not surprising. They seemed to like each other well enough back when I met them. It's nice to know they'll get together."

The guide paused. "Nice?" she said incredulously, almost stuttering. "Nice? But they're destined! It's not like he could have ever ended up with anyone else. Ever. It was obvious they had chemistry from the beginning. They're soulmates and he's proposed _and they're going to have cute kids_."

"But a childhood crush, or even being in love, doesn't mean that the relationship is necessarily going to succeed because – nevermind," he said, seeing the guide's blank look. "What else do you have to show me?"

The guide perked up. "Over there are Brock and Suzy," she continued, pointing to another couple over in a different area of the room. "And there's Jesse and James." Oddly, it looked like it was _Jesse_ in the dress.

"Jesse and James?" he repeated quizzically. "But aren't they those team rocket members? Ones always chasing after Ash, no less?"

"They aren't now, okay? It's not important," said the guide, rolling her eyes.

"But why would they-"

"It's not important!"

"Okay, okay."

"And there's Oak and Deliah," said the guide, pointing to two adults who looked as young, if not younger, than their present day counterparts.

He mentioned this.

"They are not old!" snapped the guide. "That'd be gross. They're just adults. Ugh, why do you keep bothering me? It's not important." The guide pointed to still another couple, who appeared to be about the same age Ash, Misty, Brock and Suzy. "There's May and Brendan. See? She's totally not with Ash."

"Er, okay."

"And there's Max with, um, Duplica, and Wally with Gary, and Ivy with Elm, and then of course the gym leaders…" She started off toward another room.

"Um, if you don't mind, what exactly is the point of all this?" he asked. "Nothing seems to be happening."

"Who cares about that? The point is everyone's paired up properly."

"And…?"

"And what?"

"What's important about it? What's the significance?"

"I just told you," the guide said. "Everyone's paired up. Now come on, you haven't seen the gym leaders yet."

Will rubbed his temples, feeling a headache beginning. "Listen, I don't mind occasional visions of unimportant things, but this is a bit excessive. I have a match to get to."

"But you haven't even seen who I paired you with yet! It's-"

Will shuddered, opening his eyes. _That_ had been a waste of time.


End file.
